yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
