genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We need to rekindle our bromance
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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