i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
