3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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