Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
