I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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