Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
