Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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