I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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