he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
