Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
