walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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