he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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