She is in my trunk
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
