i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
