I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
