What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
