it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
