yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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