Someone shit on the floor
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
