Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
