watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
