no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
