boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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