you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
there is puke in my bra ... again
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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