Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
