ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
