i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
