You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
