is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
