We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
