I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
