I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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