I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
