Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
