We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
