So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
