There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
