Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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