Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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