I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
