party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
