I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
