Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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