Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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