He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
even my farts smell like vagina
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
