I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
