He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
