Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
