I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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