eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
