Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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