Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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